THE TRUTH HURTS

When are you going to let go? Holding on to what hurts like a vintage Fendi clutch.  Worshipping it's power as if it was your god.  Illuminating its presence with negative words and vile actions.  You are flawed so fix it.  You know the truth but you pretend I'm the lie.  Typical for me to love you anyway. Or maybe I am the selfish one. Holding on to what doesn't want to be held.  Helping what can't be helped.  Forgive me as I attempt to turn the other cheek.  I'm now asking when am I going to let go of me the lie and you the truth.  It definitely hurts.

MY HEART DANCES

My heart dances.  It literally dances in my chest.   Looking at him fills me to the very top.  I love him so much.  Everything about him.  His walk. Confident but not arrogant.  His eyes….black pearls and so very beautiful.   When he looks at me I know he can see everything.   He knows me. ME.  Completes my thoughts when I haven’t yet spoken.  When he holds me.   An extinguisher couldn’t put out that fire.   His hands are strong for me.  Soft on me.  I love him and I can’t stop.  I hope I don’t have to.  Because I won’t be able to.  What I feel for him is deeper than anything I have ever felt.  A connection so solid and real.  We feel. Together.  Indescribable.  Something no one could ever explain.  You can’t be told of love.  You can only experience this.  LOVE.   I am in awe of it.  I thank GOD for it. Because without HIS love, this would not exist.  Only GOD given.  For me. To me.  For us.  I'm in love.

SHE LIVED WITH SAD EYES

Sad lips and sad words.  But only because of the sad heart which sat unhealed inside of her chest.  Decidedly unable to overcome what circumstances had created, a world became, and only for her.  But no one was there. No one she could be vulnerable to nor anyone who she could love. Only hangers on, haters and false ones.  People who would never see her point of view. Those who would always disagree.  Those who would consistently disappoint.  And it served a purpose.  No tug at a sad heart. No risk of   caring. No reason to question motives. Tears met her fingertips but to her they were tears of a stranger.  There was no crying in this world.  Anonymous screams and silent begging would never make it inside this world.  Neither would joy, smiles, or the warm tingle of excitement.  Is the pain worth the pain? In the name of living...or dying. 

(I'M LOOKING) DIRECTLY AT YOU

I saw you quiet and subdued.  But I didn't know why.  Beauty struck me and I thought you knew.  Others knew. A tease of sorts.  A game player.  Someone to seek but not to catch.  But inside you were more than humble.  understated love for self.  Overstated for others.  Love never found you, not even with me.  What I thought I could handle no longer intrigued me.  But annoyed me. The potential of you was now lost in the world. You ignorant to its whereabouts. Which is another reason why I promised to let go all thoughts of you. Unable to unravel the mystery of your mind. Actions seemingly contradictory.  I can't waste time on you when they are available, eager, tender, ready.  No one could match your heart but then again it would never be mine so how would I know.

DULCE BESO

We locked eyes. A smile began and lingered on his lips. Soon, that same smile found mine.  I looked away embarrassed by my attraction.  I looked again, unwilling to deny my intentions.  He rose from his seat across the room.  I stood motionless. Paralyzed by need.  I imagined if I moved I may wake up from this dream. I stared unashamedly passion-filled.  Stubbornly waiting for him to arrive.  And he did.  Without words, his hand at the small of my back led me into a private affair.  A gentle caress. Fingertips at the base of my neck.  A subtle thumb against my lips.  A shiver down my spine concluded his lips upon mine.  Mind-bending.  Lips parting- for loves sake.  Swirling love like no other.  I was all that mattered to him.  Powerfully, distinctly he made me his.  I’m the one he chose deliberately and forever.   No one else in the world existed, not even me.  Just him and his radiance.   I disappeared into another world where we were the only heart.  I believe his kiss.  I know his love.  The tighter his grasp, the lovelier I became.  What felt like hours in his arms were mere moments at dusk.  The sun has set. Our love established.  Sealed with a kiss.

MIRRORS DON'T LIE

I don’t have to be who you want me to be.  I am myself.  And I don’t understand your problem with that.  You want to hurt me. You want me to suffer. You want to see me unravel and broken-spirited.  You want me to be unhappy and unfulfilled. Why is this?  Try taking a look in the mirror.  Write down what you see.  You’re ashamed.  You’re surprised.  You are in tears.  Cry for what you have grown to hate about what you see. Cry for the sadness that dwells in your heart.  Scream out for that young child hurt and alone and Stop. Picking. On. Me.  Stop trying to turn me into that hurt child. Stop tearing at my self-esteem so it will match yours.  Stop hating me because of who you are not.  Life wasn’t fair to you so you won’t be fair to it.  You won’t heal. You won’t feel better. You won’t prosper.  You won’t love.   However, you will wonder what happiness tastes like.   You will long for an unbroken heart. You will desire after fearless nights and joy –filled days.  You will never break me. You will never make me into who you are.  I am stronger. No apologies.  I am wiser through no fault of yours.  I was here when no one else was.  And now I am gone just like everyone else.   

DEATH OF ME

I love you but I can’t tell you how much.  It’s my secret.  You’re not mine.  I love you more than myself and I know that’s toxic. But without you is like poison to my body. Is there a difference?  I feel like I would die. If you weren’t here with me. I feel like life would be misery and torment.  Hell on earth.  Without you. No eating no sleeping barely breathing.  Should I try? Try to give you away? Back to her?  How could I betray myself? Physically aching to touch you. How can I possibly willingly let go of my love?   I would rather risk the pain of never being us just to have you as long as I can. As long as you decide I am worthy.  I’ve made you my god and discarded my faith. Only for you to kiss me one more time.  Only for you to tell me good bye.  Simply for the nothing I am left with.  It’s ok. I will die after you’re gone. So I won’t feel a thing.  In reality, I am already dead.