When are you going to let go? Holding on to what hurts like a vintage Fendi clutch. Worshipping it's power as if it was your god. Illuminating its presence with negative words and vile actions. You are flawed so fix it. You know the truth but you pretend I'm the lie. Typical for me to love you anyway. Or maybe I am the selfish one. Holding on to what doesn't want to be held. Helping what can't be helped. Forgive me as I attempt to turn the other cheek. I'm now asking when am I going to let go of me the lie and you the truth. It definitely hurts.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
My heart dances. It literally dances in my chest. Looking at him fills me to the very top. I love him so much. Everything about him. His walk. Confident but not arrogant. His eyes….black pearls and so very beautiful. When he looks at me I know he can see everything. He knows me. ME. Completes my thoughts when I haven’t yet spoken. When he holds me. An extinguisher couldn’t put out that fire. His hands are strong for me. Soft on me. I love him and I can’t stop. I hope I don’t have to. Because I won’t be able to. What I feel for him is deeper than anything I have ever felt. A connection so solid and real. We feel. Together. Indescribable. Something no one could ever explain. You can’t be told of love. You can only experience this. LOVE. I am in awe of it. I thank GOD for it. Because without HIS love, this would not exist. Only GOD given. For me. To me. For us. I'm in love.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Sad lips and sad words. But only because of the sad heart which sat unhealed inside of her chest. Decidedly unable to overcome what circumstances had created, a world became, and only for her. But no one was there. No one she could be vulnerable to nor anyone who she could love. Only hangers on, haters and false ones. People who would never see her point of view. Those who would always disagree. Those who would consistently disappoint. And it served a purpose. No tug at a sad heart. No risk of caring. No reason to question motives. Tears met her fingertips but to her they were tears of a stranger. There was no crying in this world. Anonymous screams and silent begging would never make it inside this world. Neither would joy, smiles, or the warm tingle of excitement. Is the pain worth the pain? In the name of living...or dying.
I saw you quiet and subdued. But I didn't know why. Beauty struck me and I thought you knew. Others knew. A tease of sorts. A game player. Someone to seek but not to catch. But inside you were more than humble. understated love for self. Overstated for others. Love never found you, not even with me. What I thought I could handle no longer intrigued me. But annoyed me. The potential of you was now lost in the world. You ignorant to its whereabouts. Which is another reason why I promised to let go all thoughts of you. Unable to unravel the mystery of your mind. Actions seemingly contradictory. I can't waste time on you when they are available, eager, tender, ready. No one could match your heart but then again it would never be mine so how would I know.