Monday, November 22, 2010


I am disappointed. Disappointed that you have been false in my life. Disappointed that I couldn’t see the truth that was there staring me in my heart. I wonder why it took so many years for me to accept that you are not good for me.
I’ve had several toxic relationships. Eventually, I had to look inside of myself and determine that it is not always the other person. This is not to illustrate that others shouldn’t be held accountable for awful behavior. We are ALL responsible for our actions. Still, if I am aware of such behavior and allow it, it may continue. Some folk in my life have truly loved me. Loved me enough NOT to take advantage of me and to be a true to that continually. And some were only fair-weather friends. It happens to the best of us. It’s our job to determine the difference amongst those and the former and know when to let go and move on. But when you are hurting you will attract others who are hurting as well. Not everyone deals with pain similarly nor are they aware that their pain has been dumped upon others.
Some know and selfishly feed themselves without regard to so-called friends. Some realize it later and attempt change. Others are so pained that they know no other way to exist. If they admit that their pain is deep and another person’s pain is not as deep or even non-existent (at least in appearance to that person), then the question “why me” can overpower the psyche. This feeling lends to self-pity, jealousy, hatred toward others which can manifest with false and bad actions -many times to persons who are closest in relation. Don’t fall victim to victimization. To coddle, protect or nurture such a person is the WRONG ANSWER to this problem.
In trying to protect a friend(s) I am guilty of just that. You also have to be careful and listen to God’s instruction. Every challenge is not for you to overcome. There are lessons in letting go, walking away and not clinging to the past. This is a very real and hard lesson learn. At the end of the day, you must take care of yourself, attempt to love yourself the way GOD loves you, and push forward ALWAYS for the constant betterment of self. For me, this means getting rid of all the bad energy around me. You never know how greatly this difficult act may affect positive change in another. Do it without malice and with love. No love lost-as they say-just move on to the next chapter and celebrate the ride-because you may not be able to enjoy the ride until it’s over.

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